I Will Wait

I gotta be honest, y'all.

I am struggling to figure out how, financially, these next few years are going to work. More specifically, this next month. Because of rules limiting loans and a very limited number of scholarships available to first year students, I have not received a lot of financial aid (outside of the cooperative program, which halved my tuition. THANK YOU). I'm between jobs and did not have a lot saved before now. 

I am literally broke. Rice and beans, thermostat at 85, cut my own bangs broke.

I understand that I am blessed beyond measure. I am immensely wealthy in comparison to the rest of the world. I have an iPhone, a Wii, a laptop, a KitchenAid stand mixer and a nice point and shoot camera (all of which were gifts, except the phone). I have a lot and I understand it. But those things can't pay my bills or buy groceries, and I am working hard to figure out how to do that before I am officially on a payroll and working (which should be really soon.)

I have prayed over this and asked God for guidance and wisdom and opportunities to make money now... and I've gotten a little frustrated since this has yet to happened. Frustrated and anxious. Losing sleep. 

Today I was driving when one of my newest favorite songs came on- I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons. I turned up the volume and began to sing along. The song is pure worship, despite its popularity in the "secular" realm. And as I sang, God asked me- Do you mean it?

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

And right there, in my car, singing along with a band that uses the F word in a song or two, I told God yes. I will wait for you. I will kneel down and acknowledge that you are in control. Shake my excess, God. 

God is bigger than a genre or a category in music. He is bigger than money or tuition or rent. He is bigger than job interviews. And I will wait for Him.