Wednesday, February 6, 2013

sometimes lost is not bad

You may have noticed that I've been a little quiet lately as far as deep spiritual or personal posts go (or maybe not- by all means enjoy the recipes and Instagram recaps!). 

It is hard to put into words, but these past few months I have been a little lost. Going from working full-time to studying full-time plus working part-time, in addition to a change in city, church, and community... it just started out being quite overwhelming. On top of all that, I began taking seminary classes where I was forced to face theological nuances and divisive issues. It has been eye opening to understand more about my faith and the differences that divide belief systems. 

It has also been pretty confusing to realize that many southern baptists have differing views on various doctrines. As a church employee, my responses in the past to questions have tended to agree with whatever the church's specific view was on whatever it might be. But I can no longer hide behind that shield. It is time to explore the scriptures, to pray for wisdom, to be humble enough to learn but wise enough to discern the truth. 

So, please forgive me for not sharing more on the spiritual end of the spectrum. I am going to do my best to share a little more about what God's doing in my life and what He's teaching me, academically and practically. Until now, though, I've felt it best to be quiet. 

This lost feeling has pervaded my plans for the future, reminding me that I have no idea what I will be doing in three years, or even this summer! My heart still yearns for Austin- the wild, colorful culture; my supportive church body; the comfort of knowing who I was; and feeling at home.

However, as these months have passed, God has shown me that I don't have to know what is coming next. I don't have to have everything figured out. He provides one step at a time- even when it's impossible to see how things will be resolved. He has shown me that my identity isn't in a job (even a job where I'm being paid to minister to people!). My identity is found in Jesus. He is the powerful Creator, redeemer of my soul. And so even in the midst of uncertainty and feeling lost, God has taught me that lost isn't always bad. 

In just a few months, I've found my way around Fort Worth pretty well. I can identify the cardinal directions almost anywhere now (and I always base it on highway systems) and I hardly have to refer to Google maps while driving now. But the way I've developed my knowledge of the city has been through LOTS of getting lost, noticing that I wasn't where I was supposed to be, and figuring out how to get there. 

With that perspective, it's not so scary to be unsure. 
It's not so bad to be lost. 

(I want to clarify that I am totally okay :). My day to day life is good and only getting better.)


  1. First of all, I love the title of this post! And I love what you say about it not being necessary for us to know what's next, when God does. That's a huge thing that I've learned over the last few years, and it really is comforting to stop worrying about the future (or at least as much as possible, ha!) I would love to hear more about what you are learning in posts to come, I am sure God is working in you so much right now!!

    Have a blessed day girl :)

  2. Girl, I can relate so much to this period in your life. I, too, went to Bible college and was shocked at the divisiveness that I didn't really know existed. At first, it was easy to get caught up in a "side" but after awhile, I noticed that all we were doing was spending time debating each other and had completely lost sight of the point of it all -- to go out and share Jesus and His love. At that point, I stopped caring about the little things (calvinism, armenianism, pre-millenial, blah blah) and refocused on being a disciple. Bible college is such a great experience and such a wonderful time to focus and grow your faith and it is DEFINITELY a time of transition so I just totally get it. Honestly, I feel a little "quiet" too on the blog. I've been posting, but not out of an overflow, ya know what I mean?

    The wonderful thing about God (and sometimes the frustrating thing about our walk with Him) is that (as you said) we have NO IDEA where we will be next. His ways are mysterious and it's such an adventure :)

    Love ya sister!

  3. "humble enough to learn but wise enough to discern the truth." Best line.

  4. Your words here are perfect! It's a lesson that God keeps bringing me back to over and over again. Just when I think it's "okay", something changes and I'm back on my knees being reminded. :) It stinks, but you're right, being lost is actually very very helpful!

  5. Your words have resonated in several ways to my life currently. For the past few months, I have felt the pressing need to tell people my next steps and to have everything planned out completely. I just love what you wrote about our identity not being found in a job or even a ministry position – but it being solely in Jesus. That is where I have been at lately... but in order to come to that realization, I have felt stripped of every other security. It's not been the most smooth process (rather painful, actually) but I'm sure more than ever that He is faithful + true to His children.

    Looking forward to reading future posts on this journey of yours...!

  6. Love this--so true! Even when we make our best-laid plans, nothing is for certain. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

    Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose prevails. -Prov. 19:21


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