I Will Wait

I gotta be honest, y'all.

I am struggling to figure out how, financially, these next few years are going to work. More specifically, this next month. Because of rules limiting loans and a very limited number of scholarships available to first year students, I have not received a lot of financial aid (outside of the cooperative program, which halved my tuition. THANK YOU). I'm between jobs and did not have a lot saved before now. 

I am literally broke. Rice and beans, thermostat at 85, cut my own bangs broke.

I understand that I am blessed beyond measure. I am immensely wealthy in comparison to the rest of the world. I have an iPhone, a Wii, a laptop, a KitchenAid stand mixer and a nice point and shoot camera (all of which were gifts, except the phone). I have a lot and I understand it. But those things can't pay my bills or buy groceries, and I am working hard to figure out how to do that before I am officially on a payroll and working (which should be really soon.)

I have prayed over this and asked God for guidance and wisdom and opportunities to make money now... and I've gotten a little frustrated since this has yet to happened. Frustrated and anxious. Losing sleep. 

Today I was driving when one of my newest favorite songs came on- I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons. I turned up the volume and began to sing along. The song is pure worship, despite its popularity in the "secular" realm. And as I sang, God asked me- Do you mean it?

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

And right there, in my car, singing along with a band that uses the F word in a song or two, I told God yes. I will wait for you. I will kneel down and acknowledge that you are in control. Shake my excess, God. 

God is bigger than a genre or a category in music. He is bigger than money or tuition or rent. He is bigger than job interviews. And I will wait for Him. 

reflections on youth camp

Youth Camp is always good. There is something powerful about getting away from technology, from routine, from outside influences- even family and friends- to focus on God. 

Of course it's overwhelmingly hot and the food isn't the best and there's never enough sleep.

(supplies we took)

But God continually uses this time to teach us, convict us, encourage us and reveal Himself to us! 

This was my third year going to Youth Week at Alto Frio with my youth group. It was also my second year operating not only as the leader of my group, but also on the team putting on camp.  I knew what to expect, and this year I was smart and got another girls sponsor to go so that I wouldn't feel responsible to stay with them at all times. Instead of staying in the cabins, I got a motel room at the conference center (holla!), which also served as a storage place for all of the extra snacks and drinks we brought. (I had to rethink that choice when someone came by after lights-out looking for Pop-Tarts)

(on my hotel bed, with a Toms tan, and our snacks in the background)

So, as a sponsor and member of the camp team I kinda had to remove myself from the emotional side of camp to supervise. I had to be aware of what was going on with my students, the schedule and my responsibilities for the services. I had to be sure to capture through pictures the activities we had, so that parents would understand why youth camp is such a big deal. I was checking that all campers adhered to the dress code. I had to be available to counsel during invitation time, to remember worship song lyrics off the top of my head when the tech guy needed to input a new song last minute, and to give announcements to the campers at a moments' notice. And so, honestly, I was looking forward to seeing God speak into the lives of my students... but not expecting for Him to speak to me. 


And God DID speak to each and every students. Of the ten who attended with me, every one of them came away changed. Saved. Convicted and forgiven. Recommitted to their purpose. Called to something great. 

Natalia accepted Christ for the first time. 

(in the center)

Betsaida and Jadzia felt God's call to be missionaries. 

and Yalani felt called to student ministry in the future!

(on the right)

To be part of this journey with each of them is humbling and encouraging.

What I didn't expect was for God to speak to me- the leader- at youth camp. On Wednesday night, our speaker spoke especially to the sponsors during a closing prayer time. He asked for any sponsors that needed prayer for anything in their life to go to one side of the room and for the other sponsors to pray over them. So I prayed over sponsors. And then I prayed over students. And then I started preparing what we would do in our church time that immediately followed the service. As we exited the tabernacle and headed to my motel room, I started thinking about what I would have asked for prayer for if I had gone up. A heavy burden weighed upon my shoulders, like carrying boulder on my back. Then, it just hit me how emotionally and even mentally that I had separated myself from what God was speaking that week. 

So, when my group got to the room, I asked if they would pray for me. Because I'm terrified to move away, even though I know it's what God has for me. I'm scared that I won't make friends or have enough money ever or maintain my current relationships or do well in school. I'm scared that nobody will be able to reach my Austin students like I have and their spiritual lives will suffer. But even worse, I'm scared that they'll find someone so much better to fill this position that they'll wonder why they've had me hired all this time. 

(I totally understand that I sound completely overdramatic. I agree.) 

And so, one by one my students and sponsors lifted me up before the Lord. And there I sat in a puddle of my tears (and snot), and felt the hand of God over all of us. I felt His presence burden me with my purpose for leaving and promising to be with this group when I leave. 

God spoke to me right in the middle of youth camp. It was awesome. 

You see, this step in my life is a lot like the zipline we did.

When I give in to fear, all I'm doing is looking down. 

Seeing how far I can fall.

but if I trust God 

and do what He's called me to do

I can just take that step of faith and enjoy the ride 

And I think I'd rather let go, than just stand on this ledge and be anxious. 

I'd rather have faith than fear.

Giving up Good: Performing

I'm linking up with Jessi and Hayley today for giving up on good.

If you have a chance to watch the video, then definitely do! If you've only got a couple minutes, start at 7:00. If not, let me recap it for you. Sometimes we try to do/have so many good things that we miss out on the great that God has for us. Good things can become idols or hinder us from truly following Him!

One thing that I've given up as I've delved deeper into ministry and adulthood is performing. 

I took part in six One Act Plays throughout Jr High and High School

(sorry I don't have photos of myself playing a young boy my senior year. true story.)

I did Community Theater every summer of high school, taking a lead part in Bye Bye Birdie the summer after my senior year.

I sang in school choir, competing in solo competitions and constantly working for a show, concert or competition (even competing with the treble choir that I wasn't a practicing member of!)

I learned alto for our church youth choir, going to two years of choir camp. 

(but then I whined about singing alto and got moved back to soprano. oh, young chelsea)

In college I auditioned for several campus singing groups, finally joining the UT Women's Chorus.

I love the rush. I love the repetition of rehearsal. I love learning new music, challenging my vocal range to go deeper and higher, and forming bonds with others who love it. I love the lights and crowds and flowers. And I love using my talents to bring glory to God! 

But performing takes a lot of time.

Rehearsals can take over your life. 

When I took my job as student minister it was very clear that I would have to give up performing. And though I wouldn't consider being part of a worship team performing, I gave that up too. You don't have to be on a stage to worship God, and I already have so many students and friends serving the church in that capacity.

And now, my schedule is more open to attend football games, dance recitals and graduations. Do I miss it? Sometimes. But I have fond memories and something better in front of me right now. 

I had to put down the shells to take hold of the starfish.

What about you?
What good are you giving up on?

like a snake in the garden

This past weekend I got to visit both sets of my grandparents for Mother's Day

My Grandpa Lynn and Granny Alice have, over the past several years, transformed their backyard into a Secret Garden-esque tropical rainforest paradise. There are flowering plants of all kinds, fruits and vegetables galore, and enough shade to make wandering through the rows bearable.

Their property backs to the Davy Crockett National Forest so it's easy to get lost in the natural and cultivated beauty.

My little cousin, Bella, and I took a walk along one of the neighborhood trails and found a field full of wildflowers, humming with bees and butterflies.

The sun shone warmly.

Birds flew in and out among the many feeders, giving us glimpses of colorful wings.

After our traipse in the garden, Bella and I returned to the house to treat our mosquito bites and join the rest of our family.

Later, the rest of the grandkids went outside for a game of soccer

(Bella and I had had enough mosquitoes though, thank you!) 

The game came to a screeching halt when, as my uncle retrieved the ball from the garden, he found a 5 foot long snake caught in the garden netting. 

Thankfully the snake was caught tight enough in the netting where it could not get out, and my uncle was able to kill it quickly.

(Taylor is insane. And super cool)

I'm not a snake expert, but I was told that this snake was a water moccasin (also known as a cottonmouth). It is a species of viper and its venom can be fatal. 

While I am so grateful that no one was hurt and that this guy is no longer with us,

it made me much more aware of the surroundings that I had carelessly skipped through earlier in the day. Enamored with the beauty of the flowers and sky, I neglected to put my guard up. Who knows how long Mr Fangs was hanging out in the garden? Perhaps he was there while I was leaning in for the perfect shot of the berries. 

I don't know about y'all, but one of the biggest ways that God speaks to me is through situations. Something happens (oh, like finding a snake in the garden) and then BAM- spiritual revelation, and God speaks wisdom through these scenarios. 

This reminded me of another snake in another garden. You see, a lot of times this is how I find my spiritual life. I'm oblivious to evil. But as Christians, it is important for us to be alert! 

^"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. "

1 Peter 5:8-9a

In my own power, I could never defend myself from the devil, just as with my bare hands I would never handle that snake. Instead, the armor of God protects me and gives me weapons to not only defend myself but to fight offensively!

 ^"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."

Galatians 6:10-18

This is not to say that we should never enjoy our life or that we should be paranoid

But when we let our guard down, we are more likely to 

give into lies

refuse forgiveness and harbor bitterness

and

miss glorious opportunities to love

So, I urge you, through the beautiful grace of God

put on the belt of truth and guard your integrity

put on the breastplate of righteousness and protect your heart

put on the shoes of the gospel and carry that life-defining story with you wherever you go

take up the shield of faith 

put on the helmet of salvation, telling yourself daily the story of God's love for us

and bear the sword of the Spirit, utilizing the power of the Bible and the Holy Spirit

and remember that you're not alone. 

"I have told you these things that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

John 16:33

have a blessed weekend, y'all

Inspired

A few things inspiring me this week:

source

Intentionally taking a Sabbath day of rest, which was my Saturday this past week, 

since Sundays I'm running around doing my job.

The renewal physically and spiritually has been wonderful!

source

I am inspired by my God.

Jesus is so good!

(my Children's Church kiddos, obviously all paying close attention!)

Having a full time job is inspiring me to manage my time better so that I can get all of the youth and children's church responsibilities taken care of and go do something fun (or meaningful) with them!

And, it sounds silly, but beautiful and delicious food inspires me

to cook and create and enjoy the tastes and textures 

I'm so grateful for a creative God who gave us taste and smell

( and a spirit of self control ;) )

Here are some recipes on my list- 

hopefully I'll be reporting back with recipes for you to try!

Quinoa Cakes with Poached Eggs

Jalapeno Kettle Chip Crusted Chicken with Jalapeno Ranch

Authentic Italian Chicken Parmigiana 

Banana Oatmeal Smoothie

Baked Potato Chips and Avocado Ranch Dip

Baked Broccoli

Breakfast Banana Split

What's inspiring you this week?