unqualified but still equipped

Stepping into a church staff position in student ministry sounded like fun. I was 21, had lots of volunteer experience, and was positive of God's calling on my life. After all, my experience growing up had been that student ministry is event-based (especially with girls... and even more so with the not-so-popular girls). There is curriculum for all the Bible studies. And obviously I would know more than my students about the Bible. It might be challenging but I was definitely up for it.

What I didn't realize is that student ministry is a whole lot more than disciple now weekends, youth camp and Bible studies. I didn't realize the magnitude of my pride and how much I did not know. I didn't realize that real ministry is hard and messy because you come face to face with all the hard, messy parts of everyone's lives. You see the struggles, sin and abuses of people that you love deeply. I didn't realize that there could be conflict with parents, with staff, with other churches (what?!) which all called for biblical resolution. I had no idea how many times I would find myself at a loss for words, praying, panicked, for wisdom. 

A year into my time as student minister I found myself questioning whether I should even be there. The enemy spoke lies that I wasn't smart enough, strong enough, a good enough speaker (which, btw, were all true) and therefore could not really adequately do my job.

Thank God for His affirmation. 
It was right at the pinnacle of that struggle that one of my students made a commitment to follow Christ. When she shared her story of how God spoke to her heart, she said- "Chelsea, I saw your joy and I wanted that."

Wow. Waterworks. 

Even though I'm highly aware that none of her story was about me, that statement was God speaking straight to me, straight through the lies, assuring me that He was in control and that through my obedience, I got to be a part of that. I'm not smart enough or a good enough speaker. And you know what? That's okay. Because the Holy Spirit equips me, even when I'm unsure. 

This quote from my seminary reading struck a chord with me-

"In a very real sense, not one of us is qualified but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do His work, to bear his glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with out own or God's glory with our own."-Madeleine L'Engle

Nothing about my life, aside from Jesus, qualifies me for ministry. I have faced issues that I never thought that I would deal with: alcoholism, drug abuse, cutting, depression, suicide, teen pregnancy, separated families, rape/sexual abuse. Y'all I never dealt with any of that growing up. I live a pretty charmed life. I don't have experiential wisdom. My heart aches to the point of being sick to think of my beloved students going through trials and falling to temptation. The absolute only way that I am able to walk alongside them through that is by the power of Christ. 

As I was reading for class I had some time to really reflect on how true it is that God uses the weak. I love how far He's brought me and how much each student has grown. However, I am fully aware that no matter how many classes or what kind of degree I have, I am still unqualified. Thank God that I am equipped. 

reflections on youth camp

Youth Camp is always good. There is something powerful about getting away from technology, from routine, from outside influences- even family and friends- to focus on God. 

Of course it's overwhelmingly hot and the food isn't the best and there's never enough sleep.

(supplies we took)

But God continually uses this time to teach us, convict us, encourage us and reveal Himself to us! 

This was my third year going to Youth Week at Alto Frio with my youth group. It was also my second year operating not only as the leader of my group, but also on the team putting on camp.  I knew what to expect, and this year I was smart and got another girls sponsor to go so that I wouldn't feel responsible to stay with them at all times. Instead of staying in the cabins, I got a motel room at the conference center (holla!), which also served as a storage place for all of the extra snacks and drinks we brought. (I had to rethink that choice when someone came by after lights-out looking for Pop-Tarts)

(on my hotel bed, with a Toms tan, and our snacks in the background)

So, as a sponsor and member of the camp team I kinda had to remove myself from the emotional side of camp to supervise. I had to be aware of what was going on with my students, the schedule and my responsibilities for the services. I had to be sure to capture through pictures the activities we had, so that parents would understand why youth camp is such a big deal. I was checking that all campers adhered to the dress code. I had to be available to counsel during invitation time, to remember worship song lyrics off the top of my head when the tech guy needed to input a new song last minute, and to give announcements to the campers at a moments' notice. And so, honestly, I was looking forward to seeing God speak into the lives of my students... but not expecting for Him to speak to me. 


And God DID speak to each and every students. Of the ten who attended with me, every one of them came away changed. Saved. Convicted and forgiven. Recommitted to their purpose. Called to something great. 

Natalia accepted Christ for the first time. 

(in the center)

Betsaida and Jadzia felt God's call to be missionaries. 

and Yalani felt called to student ministry in the future!

(on the right)

To be part of this journey with each of them is humbling and encouraging.

What I didn't expect was for God to speak to me- the leader- at youth camp. On Wednesday night, our speaker spoke especially to the sponsors during a closing prayer time. He asked for any sponsors that needed prayer for anything in their life to go to one side of the room and for the other sponsors to pray over them. So I prayed over sponsors. And then I prayed over students. And then I started preparing what we would do in our church time that immediately followed the service. As we exited the tabernacle and headed to my motel room, I started thinking about what I would have asked for prayer for if I had gone up. A heavy burden weighed upon my shoulders, like carrying boulder on my back. Then, it just hit me how emotionally and even mentally that I had separated myself from what God was speaking that week. 

So, when my group got to the room, I asked if they would pray for me. Because I'm terrified to move away, even though I know it's what God has for me. I'm scared that I won't make friends or have enough money ever or maintain my current relationships or do well in school. I'm scared that nobody will be able to reach my Austin students like I have and their spiritual lives will suffer. But even worse, I'm scared that they'll find someone so much better to fill this position that they'll wonder why they've had me hired all this time. 

(I totally understand that I sound completely overdramatic. I agree.) 

And so, one by one my students and sponsors lifted me up before the Lord. And there I sat in a puddle of my tears (and snot), and felt the hand of God over all of us. I felt His presence burden me with my purpose for leaving and promising to be with this group when I leave. 

God spoke to me right in the middle of youth camp. It was awesome. 

You see, this step in my life is a lot like the zipline we did.

When I give in to fear, all I'm doing is looking down. 

Seeing how far I can fall.

but if I trust God 

and do what He's called me to do

I can just take that step of faith and enjoy the ride 

And I think I'd rather let go, than just stand on this ledge and be anxious. 

I'd rather have faith than fear.

Floor Pong, Oprah and Other Things I'll Miss

I'm going to miss

intense floor pong tournaments

talented students

Oprah and Moses

Tuesday night worship

new perspectives on the psalms

Mexican food all. the. time.

Get LOW

Si Tu Tienes Fe

(with lots of vihuela)

I can't put into words what it feels like to know that after this summer, these kids won't be my everyday anymore. 

I pray that whoever takes my place loves them better than I do.

or else imma have to beat someone up.

Miscellany Monday

1. I walked ten miles (along with many other members of my church) recently at a walkathon to help raise money for missions, namely two of my students who will spending their summer in Mexico teaching music!

(there were some BEAUTIFUL wildflower fields along our trail!)

Y'all. I am SO out of shape.

I could not even function the rest of the day. I ended up popping ibuprofen and going to bed really early with a slight fever. Ridiculous. (And yes I drank lots of water.)

2. I've bought two shop-my-closet items recently and LOVE them.

This is the best way to shop.

Lace and Ruffles. 

LOVE.

3. On Memorial Day I got to visit my parents and sister. It was way fun!

(I stole Lindsey's nonprescription hipster glasses and wore them all day. They went really well with my cropped jeans, mom's foldover socks and bowling shoes.)

David came along too :)

I even beat my dad at bowling.

(well, and everyone else)

It was a big deal.

I love them :)

4. I got to go support Taryn (8th grade)

Jon

Alexis and Caleb

Olivia

and Steven 

...at their graduation ceremonies.

 So proud of my graduates! 

It's been a busy week and I am so grateful for the beginning of summer and all the freedom that it gives me as a youth minister. We're going to have an amazing time.

5. Funny Story...

On the way to the first high school graduation I was attending I picked up a large iced latte. After all, it was in the morning on my day off. As I walked into the Frank Erwin Center, there were two UT students working as event staff at the door. The girl looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry to tell you this but you can't take that inside. You can stand out here and finish it or throw it away."

I was not happy.

I guess my facial expression made is apparent that I was frustrated with this decision as I turned to stand outside and drink my coffee, because the other event staffer told me I could come stand by them inside where it was cooler.

So I came inside and was weighing my options on how much of the ceremony I was missing versus how much I'd just paid for this drink when I saw the security guy (the nice one who insisted I come in) motioned at me to run and then looked away exaggeratedly. 

So I ran!

It was awesome and I got to enjoy my sweet coffee throughout the ceremony.

And I had the goofiest smile on my face.

He understood my relationship with coffee

and it totally made the rest of my day!

Linkin up with Carissa at Lowercase Letters

Obey Conference 2012 Recap

This past weekend I got to take my students to the Obey Conference. 

We had a blast hanging out in San Antonio!

Friday night, we were led in worship by the Sweet 180 Band

and we looked at how Jesus gives us power to overcome... anything!

John 16:33 "... In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! 

I have overcome the world."

We looked at the story of Lazarus, especially John 11:25.

"Jesus told her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. 

Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying."

It is such powerful story!

We got a little bit of sleep 

(thanks to some pesky roosters),

stopped by Starbucks...

...and were all ready for Saturday morning's session

where two of our students received college scholarships!

(I do write pretty awesome letters of recommendation, if I do say so myself)

And then we discussed Joshua and Caleb 

and how one generation's faith can change everything.

I so believe that this generation can be like Joshua and Caleb

with faith strong enough to turn the tides of their culture,

and that is one reason I love youth ministry. 

Our group had a beautiful time of prayer together

and then began our lunch adventure.

We ventured out to Lulu's Cafe and Bakery, home of the 3lb Cinnamon Roll!

The regular menu was delicious, but this monster pastry definitely stole the show

It fed fifteen of us!

with warm, ooey-gooey goodness

Then we spent the rest of our afternoon exploring Ripley's Believe It Or Not,

an odd and interesting museum or world artifacts.

My favorite was an entire floor dedicated to The Titanic!

a model of "The Human Unicorn"

 a piece of The Berlin Wall

 an awesome sewing machine

and other silly things

the tallest man on record

and lots of fun things in the gift shop

 

And then through a series of events, I had to drive the van home!

Whew, but we survived.

We only sort of kinda got stuck in a parking garage.

It was quite funny!

It was an awesome weekend of worshiping the Lord

uniting our group 

and having loooots of fun!